Every year, as usual, I'm repulsed by the new offerings from these so-called chain pizza factories. This year, they didn't disappoint... or rather, they did. Two were so disgusting and revolting that I just couldn't make up my mind which was worst, resulting in the first tie ever. The winners are:
Kentucky Fried Chicken's "Chizza" and
Pizza Hut's Grilled Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza
In the case of KFC's 688 calorie Chizza, there is no crust. No, it's not gluten-free. The "crust" is actually an encrusted, deep-fried butterflied double breast of chicken topped by a thick acidic tomato sauce, a phony, grated mozzarella cheese, chunks of rubbery, factory-frozen ham, and chunks of canned pineapple that were picked fresh, Lord-knows how long ago. Oh, to make matters (ugh) worse, they top it off with and KFC’s "special cheese sauce". More than likely "special" as in "this special needs some actual cheese".
It comes in a diminutive imitation personal pizza box.
Cute, no? Ok... no. Oh, and it doesn't come cut in slices like a pizza. It's a bit too small to cut up. You just sort of pick up the chicken "crust" (wash your hands first--and after) and dig in with your choppers. They apparently must have done a lot of committee work and focus groups to come up with their slogan for this mash-up... "All Chicken, No Crust". It's a bit of misnomer since the crust in ON the chicken.
The pièce de résistance is that for an extra couple of bucks, you can get an even bigger meal called the Chizza Box, which comes with one Chizza, one deep fried chicken drumstick (if you're in a really ravenous chicken mood), a cup of whipped potato flakes, and just to balance out the "meal"--and just what you'd expect from this gourmand brand--more potatoes in the form of some deep fried "Potato Winders". Of course, a Coke is included in the price, just to help all this go down easily.
This got a 9.75 on my Disgust Rating Scale.
Pizza Hut's Grilled Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza is 3200 calories of fake-cheesy, pure evil (that's for a "plain" pizza). Their stuffed crusts have always sickened me before, but this one made me ask, "Who cut the cheese... and why would he do that anyway?"
In addition to the crust being generously stuffed with "cheddar cheese" filling (Cough, "Crap Cheese"), to give it that crumby, grilled cheese mouth-feel, they sprinkle on some garlic flavored, fried buttered-breadcrumbs onto the crust area, and add "garlic-butter sauce" on top of the center of the pizza (I use this term very loosely here). There is often so much breadcrumbs on it, you feel like you're eating breaded... er... bread. The crust winds up tasting more like a fast food, cheesy garlic bread than an All-American grilled cheese, but much, much saltier. This also rated a 9.75 on my scientifically designed Disgust Rating Scale.
All in all, these types of offerings make me cringe. Please don't think they are pizza. Your neighborhood pizzeria more than likely can make pizzas that will always surpass fast food, factory "pizzas". besides, real pizzas--whether home made or from a pizzeria--are a lot healthier and tastier than these award winners will ever be.
If you want the best pizza, try making them in your own kitchen.
(Click HERE to read my three-part series on Making a Great Pizza at Home)